an epic battle
Posted by abu ameerah on Tuesday, February 20, 2007
There are just some things that a man must admit in his life. Things that a man can no longer go on hiding…
I’ve tried and I’ve tried. I just don’t know what to do — or where to turn for that matter. My life is no longer what it seems and, well, I’m living a lie. I try to tell myself that things will change and that the sun will shine once again…but to no avail. I’m surrounding by my own dark truth — a reality that I must, once and for all, let out.
I can no longer go on like living this.
The shame. OH, the shame!
I’ve tried to quit…move on with my life…but I’m called back time and time again. Like the shrill cries of a thousand demonic ravens…I hear it. Calling…calling…ever so slightly at first…then louder and louder. Until I can no longer control my obsession and then…
I find myself in a junk food daze!!!
The “dark truth” that I am referring to is my struggle…my obsession…the epic battle of:
See….it’s taken me a long while to admit this to myself and an even longer time to muster up the courage to share it with others. The fact of the matter is that…it’s all just too much. Always having to look over my shoulder — hoping and praying — that no one would find out. That no one would come to learn about the sad truth.
I need detox. Plain and simple. I need rehab. I need help…..something — I don’t know. Anything!
I pass by my sweet addiction in the bakery aisle of my local grocery store….either Bloom (“The Grocery Store Formerly Known as Food Lion”) or Shopper’s Food Warehouse (more like Diabetes Warehouse if you ask me)…and hear them calling my name. The “them” I speak of are the insidious Masters of Darkness who prey upon the weakness of unsuspecting
pleasantly plump fat shoppers in the bakery/junk food aisle — Krispy Kreme Doughnuts…..
I mention all of this up because it was part of a discussion in the “Brother’s Planning Area” at work. To be more specific, I was actually discussing the to topic of Tofu (and the many culinary uses of tofu), with EXEX Blogger. After a short while of tofu talk my mind began to wander and…well…Krispy Kreme seemed to fill the void.
I have essentially divided myself (and others for that matter) into two kinds of people:
There’s the “good” me: a health conscious, Eco-friendly, politically correct, physically active person, who would eat tofu on a regular basis…then…
There’s the “bad” me: who is too lazy to do anything and can’t be bothered with most things…this guy could consume a half dozen Krispy Kreme Doughnuts in approximately 4.7 seconds….the quintessential Fat Alter-Ego.
What do I do? Where do I go? This is my epic battle. My struggle (or at least my struggle for this week since I struggle to do a lot of things on a daily basis anyway).